Psychologists Warn: Never Use These 5 Phrases When Talking To Your Child…
One of the biggest influences in a child‘s life, perhaps even the biggest one are their parents. As little kids their brains are programmed to absorb everything that is being said to them. Thus, being surrounded by their parents at an early age makes them the most influential people who shape their lives. Therefore, our brain, as we grow up, holds on to the most neutral connections and gets rid of everything that we don’t commonly use.
Normally, our parents’ voices are something that get deeply integrated into our psyche, therefore they become our own inner voice.
Consequently, they way they speak to us becomes the way we speak to ourselves. If they are angry most of the time, if they are harsh or cold and they yell and shout whenever we make a mistake then that is the way we treat ourselves whenever we make mistakes. However, we need to remember that we are all human and we all make mistakes sometimes.
How To Speak To Your Child?
It is very important to speak kindly, with love and honesty, even if they make a mistake. Instead of using an insulting, inner voice which can make kids feel worthless, try using a friendly inner voice. This friendly voice will be the child’s greatest support, guide and motivator in life. This way, you will create a voice that will be in their heads and will help them and motivate them later in life, even if you are not present.
These next phrases are phrases that you should avoid saying to your child and they are very damaging to a child’s developing character.
‘Stop crying right now!’
Usually, when kids know they have done something wrong, their natural reaction is to cry. This is because they know they will be punished in some way for the thing that they have done. However, you should not discourage them not to cry. They should be able to express their emotions, instead of suppress them.
Instead, you can tell your child that it is okay to cry, however, that does not mean that what they have done is not wrong. You should hug them and explain them why it is wrong what they did.
‘Big boys/girls don’t get scared!’
If you say this to your child, again, you are encouraging them to suppress their emotions. Also, you are lying to them. You feel scared daily, why should you child think that they need to be fearless? Fear is not a bad thing, it teaches us to be more careful. You should not run away from your fear, you should face it and learn from it, too. Being fearless is not having no fears. Instead, it is having fears and learning how to face them. What you should say to your kid is that it is okay. It is okay to have fears, because we all have them. But, they need to find courage, courage to face those fears and do the right thing even of they are scared. Just say ‘You’re my little hero.’
‘You are worthless!’
The worst thing that you can say to your child, a child that is seeking your approval in everything they do, is that they are worthless. Due to the fact that the child will not have the support they need at home, they will start seeking never-ending approval from the outside world. Instead of encouraging them to find their inner worth, you are making them believe that they have nothing to find and offer. There are a million other encouraging things that you can say to them, like: ‘You can do better!’, ‘Nobody is perfect.’, ‘It’s not your day, you’ll do better next time.’
‘You are not (something) enough!’
By saying this to your child you are actually limiting them in whatever they want to do in their life. You are saying to them that they don’t have the capacity to achieve something in their life just because they are not good enough. Thus, you are programming their minds to think this way. Instead, you should be more encouraging and make them believe in themselves. This way they can grow and work on whatever they lack. Just say this simple sentence: ‘You are enough to be or do what you love. But sometimes we all need to train or practice something before, in order to grow that way.”
‘I am disappointed in you!’
In life you can be disappointed in many things- your friend, your country, a movie or something very trivial, but, you should never be disappointed in your child. Showing disappointment toward your child comes in a time when they have made a mistake and already feel disappointed in themselves. You don’t need to add to that , they are not responsible for your own disappointment, that is very selfish. You are actually there to teach them to do the right things. Instead of showing disappointment tell them what they did wrong and teach them to do better, that is your job. Just say this to your kid: ‘What you did is wrong, in my opinion. And I believe you made an honest mistake. Even if you chose to do what you did, I can assure you’ll realize it’s wrong after I explain. I know you can do better!’
To conclude, these are some of the most important things that you must avoid saying to your child. Instead, try to be more encouraging and supportive so you can nurture your child and help them become better adults.